I started my #100DaysofHealth
project on May 22nd, 2017.
Today is November 18th,
2018.
And I still have 35 days to go.
Not that I haven’t focused on my
health at all during the year + since I last blogged; I’ve had entire 30 day
periods when I worked out pretty regularly, concentrated on eating foods that
made sense, meditated, and did at least some of the other things I was so dedicated
to during the summer of ’17.
But it’s fair to say that it’s been
sporadic; that I haven’t really, fully been focusing on my health for more than
a year now.
You’d think, given that it was
mostly just the reuptake of old habits, it wouldn’t make much of an impression
on me. But since it followed a period during which I was insanely committed to
exercise and healthy food, you’d be wrong. The difference between the way I
felt in August and the way I felt 2 weeks ago, when I stuttered my way back to
the straight and narrow, is made deeply more stark by the recency of the
comparison.
Oh, trust me; I’ve spent a LOT of
time this beating myself up over how far my fitness level has fallen. And how
silly it is that I can’t focus on something important for 100 days in a row. And
how I need to get back to it (next week). And how undisciplined this makes me.
And how all 123 of my readers are probably judging me (as if you aren’t so busy
with your own lives…).
And it’s not the big things—the ,
at one point, 20 pound weight gain, the inability to do even one pushup when I
could do 10 last summer—that really stick in my craw. It’s the day to day
differences in how I feel.
·
My feet are all messed up; wearing heels even
for a few hours leaves me feeling like my big toe is dislocated for days.
·
My Achilles tendon is contracted and sore in the
morning until I’ve walked around and stretched it. Neither of these things were
true (was true?) when I was practicing Yoga twice a week
·
When I teach an all-day class, I’m so worn out
by the end that I can barely think. In May of last year, I taught a 4-day class
and was able to get all the way through AND spend some time sight-seeing in the
evenings.
·
Now that I’m back at the gym/studio every day,
I’m having to go through the same soreness that plagued me for the first month
or so after I started last time; this had completely disappeared by the time I
stopped regularly working out
·
I have a difficult time controlling my moods,
and that shows itself in an extreme lack of patience. Last year, I noted
repeatedly how calm and happy I was in general. Is it the sugar? The lack of
exercise? Dunno, but it’s something
When I ask myself WHY I let this
happen, I get a number of (possibly self-delusional) answers. It all started September
of 2017, when I entered a phase of my year where I travel nearly constantly to
promote an event that I care deeply about, but which stresses me enormously.
When I travel, I have a hard time
eating appropriately because—well, have YOU ever tried to eat real food at
midnight in Toledo? After a presentation where almost no one showed up and
you’re mad because you wasted your time and you can’t express that your mad
because the people who screwed it up are really
nice…
And I have a hard time exercising
because of the odd hours I work, and because all that travel is exhausting, and
I want to sleep whenever I’m not on stage and I’m not great with inserting
myself into new places, say, by getting a guest pass to a local yoga studio.
It’s just hard to be on the road
for months on end AND stressed AND focused on staying healthy, and by the time
that event was over, it was the holidays, and, well, you know…the holidays are
never a good time to focus on eating right and working out.
Fast on the heals of that came my
busiest travel season of the year, combined with the 7-week renovation of my
kitchen. Rather than deal with living in what looked, for a while, like a
warzone, I simply stayed on the road for most of February and March.
Summer would have been a great time
to get back on the wagon, but somehow summer completely got past me this year.
Yeah, I went to the gym, and I managed to get on my bike and take a long ride
maybe a half dozen times, but with the real estate market booming, I also got a
lot of opportunities to speak at associations over the summer. And committed to
an all-new 8 week long class that had to be written, produced, and taught from June-August.
Then came event season again, and I
did 14 live presentations in 22 days from the end of September through the
middle of October.
Then there was a bad cold that
lasted 3 weeks. Much whiskey and NyQuil was required to make me feel better.
And then the event.
And then the recovery from the
event.
Like everyone else, I can explain
away not making my One thing my One Thing. For over a year.
I knew that staying focused and
consistent would be a challenge, and it was. But here’s what REALLY makes me
mad at myself:
If I had done ANYTHING during that
time to keep myself from losing all this ground, I’d be a lot better off now.
If I’d stretched in the hotel room for 15 minutes. If I’d headed down to the
hotel gym and lifted their inferior, unfamiliar weights for 15 minutes. If I’d
jumped rope for 5. If I’d not been so “all or nothing” (‘Cause I spent a lot of
time during this last 479 days thinking about how I needed to work out for an
hour a day 6 days a week, instead of working out for 15 minutes a day just to
keep from completely deteriorating) I’d be much better off today, I’m sure.
I’m back now; there are roughly 35
days left in 2018, and I’ve been at the gym for the last 3. I’ll be there for
all but 5 before the end of the year. I’m eating Keto (more on that later), and
will except for a handful of celebrations (Thanksgiving and Christmas,
obviously, plus a couple of holiday business events). I’m blogging again, obviously;
it turns out that having this source of accountability is important for me.
In short, I plan to start the new
year already down the road to health and longevity.
And yes, this was a painful post to
write. I’m disappointed in myself for having lost all those gains, and over
something so stupid as not finding a few minutes a day to make the main thing
the main thing.
And yes, I’m hesitant to post it,
because there’s a fairly insistent voice in my head screaming, “You fell off
the horse once; if you’re going to do it again, don’t draw anyone’s attention
to the fact that you’re back on it!”
And while I’m feeling pretty
motivated right now, I do recognize that my health is the one area in my life
that I’ve really never gotten under control (except for those 2 months or so
last summer), and the rational part of me does realize that past behavior
probably does predict future outcomes.
But I try to live by the rule of
having zero respect for my own limitations. And this is me, doing that, right
now.
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