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Day 7, in which I consider the compelling nature and ugliness of rigidity


Like my primary business, the health, diet, and fitness industries spawn a LOT competing shamans preaching a lot of competing creeds.

My own considered (though possibly completely incorrect) opinion as to why is simple: nutritionism. At the point at which we let “experts” turn simple food into a complex bundle of good and bad carbs, fats, amino acids, and micro-nutrients that none of us have ever seen, we needed other experts to tell us what combinations of those things we ‘need’ to [live longer, live healthier, lose weight, gain muscle, maintain our brains…].

And whenever something is—or even seems—more complex than we can easily understand, we need people who have been imbued with the sacred knowledge necessary to guide us to the correct principals for a wholly successful life, word play intentional. It’s this combination of confusion on our parts over the apparent complexity of the path to health and the willingness of some of our peers to stand up and claim—through education, research, or, in some cases, simple overwhelming self-confidence not backed by any rational evidence—that thinking creates a warm, welcoming environment for the proliferation of shamans. (Yes, that plural bothers me, too, but Wikepedia assures me that while shamasal is the correct pluralization in the original language, shamans is the universally accepted plural in English. Seems like it should be shaMEN. Or maybe shapeople.)

In my primary business, they’re called gurus, and while each is (apparently) certain that you MUST follow their system in order to achieve success, they are typically NOT insistent that you become a single-minded devotee who doesn’t also invest money and energy in other studying other paths. I find very few people who ONLY follow so-and-so, or who are slavishly devoted to the teachings of such-and-such.

But that’s not the case with the diet/fitness shamans. In the world of diet and exercise plans, there’s an industry-wide effort to convince us that the only effective, fast, healthy, sustainable way to lose weight/get buff/roll back the clock is THEIR way, and that we must adhere to the holy scriptures of that sect to a T, or we’re doomed to the life we’re already unhappy with, forever.

And every single one of us who’s struggled with our weight, or wanted to be in better shape than we are, has, at some point or another, become not just a disciple but an apostle for one of these shamans. An obnoxious, obsessed, unable-to-stop-prosthelytizing-even-as-we-see-our-friends-eyes-glazing-over devotee of a religion the tenets of which involve what it is and isn’t OK to put in our mouths.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this. Anyone who’s known me for more than 15 years or so has heard me insist that they probably weren’t eating correctly if they weren’t doing:


  • Paleo 
  •  Sugar-busters 
  •  Atkins
  • Juicing
  •  HMR (that’s one of those self-abusive all-liquid diets that peels the weight off of you like, well, like you were starving yourself on 800 calories a day for 2 months, and yes, I did it.)

 Yep, while I was doing those things, it wasn’t good enough to just be doing them. I had to preach to everyone around me how great they were, how awesome the results, how provably poisonous sugar/pasta/dairy/ legumes/solid food are to the body and how scientifically positive bacon (Atkins)/grass-fed meat (Paleo)/fruits and vegetables, but only when processed down to their constituent molecules (Juicing)/a box of unpronounceable liquid chemicals carefully balanced to keep me from dying of malnutrition while consuming a starvation-level diet (HMR) are.

So I totally get why, since I started this project 7 days ago, I have literally been emailed/PMed/ called/texted more than a dozen times by people helpfully sharing which diet/supplement/nutritional system that I can also make money by telling my friends about is working really well for them. Really, I understand that you’re honestly trying to help, and I appreciate it.

Everything I’ve observed about the way people act tells me that that human beings are wired to want to find a set of rules to follow that are clear, relatively simple to understand, and result in spiritual/financial/personal/relationship/weight loss success. I myself am on a seemingly-endless search for the perfect “system” for everything from time management to de-cluttering to, yes, health and fitness.

Yes, I ideally want it to be plug-and-play or, as it’s often called in my primary business, “turn key” or “done for you”. I want a pill that fixes it. All of it. Instantly. Just like everyone else.

And despite my incessant and very loud grieving over the loss of ‘the work ethic’ in America, I think that this hardwired desire to find an easy way to do everything has served humanity pretty well over the eons. It brought us the lever (which I’m convinced was invented by a woman who was sick of waiting for her mate to get home and move the rock). Because of it, we have the engine. And the vacuum cleaner. And rule of law. And tiny, portable dogs. And indoor plumbing.

But there are other ways in which it has done us very wrong, and that’s when we fool ourselves into believing that complex systems should be able to be reduced to a set of simple rules that explain and solve everything. We’ve seen the hugely negative outcomes of that mistake in our government (which constantly passes new laws to deal with the consequences of previous laws that were meant to “fix” problems as complex as poverty, greed, and dealing with people who didn’t mow their lawns often enough); in our institutions of higher learning (where the very real problems of sexual assault, suicide, and bullying have been reduced to a set of rules that criminalizes thought and speech and make heroes of those who violently suppress wrongthink), personal finance (where companies pretty consistently sell the idea that they have a push-button system for massive financial success at prices that would literally bankrupt the average person) and, of course, our health and diets.

But one of the things I’m consciously attempting to reject in this 100 days is falling (back) into the (weirdly attractive) mindset that if I just eat certain things and avoid other certain things like the plague, I’ll get what I want (which is, again, more the ability to survive the zombie invasion than it is my 20 year-old body back). A food sect is appealing—I should know, I’ve been a member of many—but I suspect that the entire thought process around “All I have to do is find the RIGHT [diet, fitness plan, time management software] and it will all resolve itself” is just incorrect.

My intention, at least for the next 93 days, is avoid all shamans and all nutritiono-religious texts, and to do that hard thing that everyone KNOWS works: eat less and move more. To not think of having a bite of desert as “cheating”, but as, you know, eating like a normal person (Not like a normal ME, who would never stop at a BITE of desert, but like what I imagine a normal person would do).
In other words, to not be rigid about being healthy. Because that rigidity is satisfying on the inside (“I’m following the holy scripture! I’m better than everyone else! I’m winning!) and ugly on the outside (“Um, are you really going to eat that? You know that it’s destroying your Islets of Langerhans, right?”) (I can’t tell you how impressed I am with myself for pulling THAT little leftover from human anatomy class out of my…pancreas).

And rigidity is, at least for me, impossible to maintain for very long, EVEN WHEN IT WORKS. I did lose weight on every one of those diets. The last time I was at my “ideal” weight, it was thanks to drinking 5 means a day out of a box for almost 2 months. But none of those sets of rules ended up being sustainable for me, so what I’m trying now is exercising, as Oscar Wilde and a bunch of people before him said, “Moderation in all things, including moderation”.

I worry, though, about my seemingly-sensible approach becoming its own form of rigidity as I move through the world.

I find myself wanting to mention it, proselytize about it, correct others as to their approach.
I got the “Good lord, what was that???” look twice yesterday from friends that I felt obligated to inform that they were letting their Mind Monkey control their thoughts. 

I’ve had two rather aggressive debates with my ADD smartboy this week, one about whether happiness is possible without success and one about whether thoughts exist separately from “me”, and in both cases, I was very anxious to prove that I was right and he was wrong, even though those are more philosophical than scientific theories. But to be fair, he started it. 

Over a carb-free dinner that I was, rather hypocritically, participating in, I told that overweight friend who gives me endless fitness advice that he was falling for nutritionism, and then I gave him a 30 minute class on nutritionism.

I find myself constantly beating back the urge to enlighten others about what would make their health better—and I, myself, have only completed SEVEN SHORT DAYS of my project, and done so pretty imperfectly.

 Oh, and did I mention that I’m publicly blogging every thought I have, and having a LOT of thoughts, about my health?

I think I know what this is: it’s decades of being a member of various diet cults and listening to others who’ve done the same, adding a layer of rigidity and fanaticism to what’s meant to be an experiment in the opposite. Well, plus, I’m a control freak who wants other people to do what I think is right for them, not what they think is right for them, but that’s a problem for another day (and probably a degreed psychiatric professional). 

I don’t think that being rigid, or attached to whether anyone agrees with me or does what I do or even bothers to read about it, is helpful to my efforts. In fact, I suspect it’s probably quite the opposite. So I’m going to do something that’s hard for me, and probably hard for everyone who’s trying to stay a course that’s new and different and high-stakes: relax. I can do what I need to do without convincing others to like it. I can accept that other people’s food religions are just as valid as mine without worrying about moral relativism or being sentenced to food Hades.

If I can let go of the impulse to convince, maybe I can let go of the impulse to do other things, like eat the whole cupcake. If I can relax about “the rules”, maybe I can relax about self-flagellation when I “break” them. If I can let up on other people, maybe I can let up on myself. If I can just enjoy the process of feeling incrementally better every day instead of making success about being right or reaching the final, end goal, maybe I can do the same in life.

That would be cool.

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